You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She bit a glass in half.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
