On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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