You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
