the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
