Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
