im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
