I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
