does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
