Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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