Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
