Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
