i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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