So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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