apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
