I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
