pop tarts are not kleenex
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
