Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
they're like a gay fantastic four
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
