I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
