I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
