Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
