so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
