why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
