Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize