wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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