you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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