oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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