Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
