I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
