listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
