4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
