I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
