Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
