dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
