It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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