she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
