um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize