Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Holy sore nipples Batman
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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