Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
