4 words: hood of his car
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
