just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
