There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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