just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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