thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
