I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
