I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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