my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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