Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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