Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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