he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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