just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
