A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
