you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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