I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
