They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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