She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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