Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
