Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
