Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
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