it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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