Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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