I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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