I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
