we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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