I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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