I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
