Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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