just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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