dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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