i came on her dog
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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