We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
