thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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