Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
