Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
You did what with his pubic hair?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
