Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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