The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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