69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
