Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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