so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
