i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
