Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
